‘Never. I’ll never turn to the dark side’ – eugh! Luke Skywalker was always a bit of a goody-goody wasn’t he (well in the original Star Wars episodes, he was anyway)…Not to get too bogged down in my Star Wars fandom here, but I always preferred Han Solo – not only was he willing to embrace all sides of his personality, but he was also willing to follow his gut. Good qualities if you ask me.
And I guess that’s what we need to think about after we’ve started to struggle with our fertility or are looking at a childless lifestyle. We need to look at the person we’ve become and start to look at the light and dark of our personalities. That’s right, because real life in this galaxy isn’t as cut and dried as Star Wars. We’re all shades of light and dark.
When I think back to who I was just five short years ago when I was still trying (and not succeeding) to get pregnant, I don’t recognise that person. I was deep into bargaining with the universe – if I’m a nice person, then I’ll fall pregnant. If I’m polite to everyone, even those being a total shit to me, then I’ll get the baby I want. I’ll not lose my temper with anyone, I would rather develop a peptic ulcer and internalise the negative feelings than lose my temper, because then I’m a worthy person and deserve to be a mum…and so it goes on. Do you recognise any of this?
Now though, that simply is the Sarah that you see before you. Oh no! I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I’ve identified the emotions and personality traits that lurk beneath the surface and quite often they come to the fore. And do you know why that is, because they’re there for a reason and they help me when I need it. And, news flash you can do this too, they’ll help you too once you’ve done the work!
Yes, you heard right, that streak of jealousy you have, can be put to use. That temper you have can be used to good effect and so too can that little bit of selfishness that you know is there, but you try to supress, suppress, suppress.
Now, what I’m not saying is that you have carte blanche to start acting like a total dick and yelling at people in the supermarket for not getting out of the way quick enough. No, that’s never acceptable. However, once you start to become aware of those personality traits, you start to get comfortable with them and can repurpose them for good. Oh yes, my young Padawan, you too can start to develop a way to use them for your benefit.
For example, I have a temper – always have and always will. In the past it has got me into bother – work environments, it’s come out as a wilfulness and an argumentative streak with managers I didn’t have time for. It has talked me into trouble when I was a teenager and it has lost me friends when I was younger.
But now, its assertiveness. It’s a directness that means you know I mean business and its boundaries that are not to be trodden all over, because I am clear in my communication. I know who I am because I’ve done the work and I’m sticking to my values.
So, the lesson here for you (and me, because you never stop learning), is that you don’t have to shelve the aspects of yourself that you don’t like, or are ashamed to have. No, you incorporate them into a new WHOLE you, who knows who they are and knows how to identify and use their dark side for good. So what’s one trait you can name and identify now? What can you do with it? How can you switch it and use it to become the NEW you?
Go on! I dare you, make Han Solo proud.
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